DENISE DONLON: CURIOSITY & COMPASSION

“I was a horrible, colicky baby and no amount nursing, gripe water or walking around the block would calm me down.”

It’s true. Denise Donlon was a restless baby. Okay, maybe even raucous, but things eventually worked out. In the ’80s and ’90s she was the voice and the face of MuchMusic (The Nation’s Music Station), ran a business as President of Sony Music Canada and eventually oversaw programming as Director of CBC Radio (English). Her awards include two Geminis (Canada’s equivalent of the Oscars), the Peter Gzowski Literacy Award of Merit, the Canadian Women in Communications Woman of the Year Award and, in 2004, she received the Order of Canada. Denise Donlon is a powerhouse in the Canadian media scene driven by a need to inform and excel.

“I think it came from my mom,” she says. “She was denied opportunities, so she always said to me ‘the world is your oyster, my dear,’ and so I felt a driving responsibility to take advantage of opportunities that she never had.”

She also says she was lucky.

“I was never a person who charts a list of goals and ambitions and then doggedly pursues them. It was all about exploring and learning. Doors would open and, for me, it was just a question of whether I should walk through them or kick them down a little bit and yeah, one thing led to another.”

Take, for instance, her decision to drop out of university in her third year to take a low-paying job booking bands and speakers for her alma mater, The University of Waterloo, without knowing a thing about the booking business. “I just opened the yellow pages and thought, ‘okay, let’s go,’” she says.

Or when that booking experience led to a job with the Sam Feldman Agency in Vancouver, handling publicity for his roster of singers. In 1984, she accompanied Feldman’s clients, The Headpins, on a European tour where they opened for heavy metal UK rockers Whitesnake.

“I was definitely living a rock-’n’-roll lifestyle,” she recalls. “I was smoking and drinking and perming my hair, teasing it as high as it would go.”

Or when upstart Toronto television station CHUM/City TV hired her in 1985, teased hair and all, to host and produce a music video show called MuchMusic.

“They were looking for people who were living the life to come in and talk about it,” she says. “Basically, I got thrown on the air and learned it by doing it.”

She learned quickly and as MuchMusic’s assignment editor, as well as host, she made sure the playlist also included some social issue programming. As a student at Waterloo, she ran the local Pollution Probe office and sold buttons and posters to fund anti-nuke campaigns.

“We produced HIV/AIDS awareness ads. We ran PSAs for Kids Help Phone. We invited kids in through the windows to debate on shows like Too Much For Much. We encouraged them to vote by covering federal elections. I was pumped about media literacy. I wanted the audience to think about what they were watching and why. I know it’s weird to think of a music channel as being a beacon of journalistic balance while playing all that devil music. But I hope the young people watching THEN are using their media literacy skills TODAY, now that all hell’s broken loose in this age of ‘fake news and alternative facts’ because unless we think critically about the media we’re consuming, we can be duped.”

She got to hang out with Stevie Wonder, Joni Mitchell and other icons of the era but she was also pushing substantive issues. In 2000, she accompanied Dr. Samantha Nutt, Eric Hoskins and their fledgling organization War Child Canada to Sierra Leona to oversee a series of stories on repatriating child soldiers. It led to more MuchMusic stories on War Child initiatives in other countries.

“If you have a platform, what are you going to do with that opportunity? How would you make a contribution?” she asks. “Use your powers for good.”

Power is a conundrum for Denise.

“I often felt conflicted about power. I admired it but I was also distrustful of it,” she admits. “I enjoy leadership positions but what I find motivating is being able to work on a team. I’m willing to put down the reins and say to everybody ‘Okay people, let’s see what we can accomplish together’ rather than my way or the highway. I never really felt I was above anyone else.”

Power can be an instrument of positivity or one can be a victim of it.

In 2000, after 14 years at MuchMusic rising from on-air reporter and host to General Manager contributing to the program’s expansion into other countries, she became President of Sony Music Canada. It seemed like a natural fit; Denise knew the agents, the promoters and the musicians. Her job involved overseeing production, signing up new talent and moving product. But the product wasn’t moving. Illegal downloading propagated by Napster and others was eroding Sony’s business model. As sales continued to decline, Sony merged with Bertelsmann Music Group (BGM). Denise met with her bosses and argued that selling off the Canadian facility, which included studios and manufacturing, could well generate extra cash for the merger but it would ultimately increase costs at the Canadian end. The response? Her position was cut.

“I knew I’d played a hand in deciding my future, but I believe you must choose principles over personal power, even if it results in being thrown under the bus,” she says.

It wouldn’t be the last time her principles conflicted with job security.

In 2008, she became Executive Director of CBC Radio (English) in the middle of a $107 million radio and TV budget cut.

“CBC Radio was what people were marching in the streets for. They cared for it deeply,” she remembers. “My job was to somehow find a way through the cuts and still support local and still support the journalists.”

The solution was to freeze new hires, eliminate certain programmes, and yes, cut staff so that communities could still have a voice, albeit under reduced circumstances.

“We didn’t lose a single local station and I’m proud of that,” she says.

Denise survived that round of cuts and more and, under her tenure, CBC Radio grew in stature and ratings. A firm believer in distinctive Canadian programming, she argued for regional autonomy at executive meetings, fearing that “streamlining” was diminishing radio’s contribution.

In 2010, she was asked to consider applying for the position of CBC Executive Vice-President of English Services for TV and radio. Denise declined, preferring to stick to overseeing the strides she made in radio rather than take on television as well. It was a misstep.

“If you are ever considered for advancement, you should always engage,” she says. “In the corporate world, ambition rules.”

Six months later, she was “restructured.”

“I went to my office, shut down my computer, collected my purse and took a Charlie Pachter print off the wall. I’d hung it as a comment on what happens to the CBC when funding is continually cut. It’s a painting of a skeletal moose. The caption reads ‘So I guess that’s it then.’”

It was indeed.

Fiesty. Opinionated. Fearless. She’s not afraid to stick to her guns and put up a fight, so it may come as a surprise to learn that Denise suffered from a condition that plagued her for years: Imposter Syndrome.

“I refer to it as a little demon I carry around in my fanny pack,” she says. “He’s a tenacious little thing whispering in your ear saying they’re going to find out you’re really a fraud and you don’t deserve this. It’s an insecurity, a pervasive insecurity complex, so no matter what your achievements might be, you’re unworthy of them.”

“In my private moments, it was really tough sledding,” she admits “but in my public moments, it was about leadership and inspiration. I had to be there for my artists. I never thought I was faking it. I put in all the work and all the hours. The only faking part was trying to telegraph a sense of confidence when there wasn’t one.”

The solution, she says, was to dive into work.

“For me, the only way to suffocate that little demon was to work harder, run faster, jump higher and bury him with busyness. I was always over-prepared for anything I thought might pull the rug from underneath me.”

Today, she says she’s got that imposter syndrome in check. Homebound because of COVID-19, Denise has been keeping busy with charities and hosting duties.

“I’m on five non-profit boards and I just finished hosting five Kitchen Parties coast to coast raising money for B2Ten, Music Counts and Community Food Centre Canada.”

Kitchen Parties are regional galas featuring celebrity chefs and recording stars with monies going to support young athletes, young musicians and, in the case of Community Food Centre Canada, creating the infrastructure for neighbourhoods to gather and create nutritious meals for themselves. The pandemic forced a change of format: Denise has been participating electronically from her home office.

“Staying awake to start the show at 10:30 p.m. was fun,” she says. “Given the late hour, I remember a mispronunciation or two.”

Denise has lost work because of the pandemic. Her husband, singer/songwriter Murray McLauchlan, has also lost work, his tour was cancelled – it’s since been rescheduled – and the Donlon/McLauchlan household has become a communal refuge. Adult son, Duncan, a certified aircraft maintenance engineer unable to find regular work because of COVID, is back at home. Denise’s brother also stayed in the house for nine months while she nursed him back to health – his cancer is now in remission. And although her 93-year-old mother is living in a nursing home rather than with the family, Denise is constantly in touch with her through Skype.

“Confidence, I have heard, arrives magically for women at age fifty,” Denise surmises. “I remember walking into the bathroom and looking in the mirror and saying ‘Okay, now I’m 50. Where’s my swagger?’ I guess my timing was a little off.”

“What you do learn is not to sweat the small stuff. At the end of the day, the things that are really valuable to you may not be the pursuit of power or the pursuit of fame. These things are hollow. The things that are really valuable are listening to yourself, your true self, the one that speaks to you when you’re walking in nature or caring for someone else. You’re being compassionate or dedicated to a cause or to other people that need it.”

“When I look back it’s never been a straight line in terms of the career choices I’ve made. It was always about reinvention,” she says. “We never stop reinventing ourselves. That’s where the fun is. I think curiosity is the most motivating attribute that a person can have. Remaining open and curious and compassionate are the ways to a fulfilling life, no matter what age you’re at.”

SNAPSHOT

If you were to meet your 20-year-old self what advice would you give her?

“I would give her the same advice my mother gave to me when I was two: just stand up straight. Do your best and stand up straight.”

Who or what has influenced you the most and why?

“I think it’s my mom. She told me ‘the world’s your oyster, my dear.’ I carry that with me still today and I try to make sure I’m not wasting a day, that I’m still accomplishing something, that I’m still making a contribution. Life is precious and life is short, and the more time we spend living it the better off we’ll be.”

What are you grateful for?

“I’m grateful for Canada. I’ve travelled so much in the world and looking where we are now, coping with the pandemic and the rise of popularism around the world, climate change etc., I’m just so grateful to be here in Canada.”

What does success mean to you?

“Someone once said the three things we need in life are somewhere to live, something to do and someone to love. If you have those things, then I think that’s being successful. If you can be kind and compassionate and use your powers for good, then that’s success.”

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