Moving a family member into a retirement residence can be difficult for everyone involved. Even starting a conversation with your loved one about the matter can provoke anxiety. However, there are ways families or close friends can help someone prepare for the next chapter of their life.
Tania Dusevic, General Manager at The Waterford seniors’ living community in Tsawwassen, feels it is crucial the conversation starts early, before there’s a crisis and no other option exists.
“The earlier you start the conversation, the better,” says Dusevic. “Even though it might be several years before Mom and Dad are ready to sell their place and move, families can begin to have non-emotional and non-confrontational conversations. Don’t shy away from asking about preferences and how to handle unexpected circumstances. Make sure all the stakeholders get to be part of the conversation.”
“Conversations are important and hopefully honest conversations will discover what is important to both the senior and the family member,” says Jackie Cox-Ziegler, Executive Director of The Glenshiel Housing Society. “Location, wanting to stay in a particular community or move closer to family; affordability; nutritional meals and no more dishes; no more housework/home maintenance; interaction with others, loneliness or isolation; activities; safety; walkable or transit; assistance with specific things; independence and making decisions… many things may come up. Through your conversations, get a sense of the essentials, the nice to haves and the definitely nots.”
At Legion Manor, Assistant Executive Director Paula Hosking adds her own perspective on the issue: “Start the conversation earlier rather than later. This can be difficult but is worth it in the long run. Talk to your family about what the next move looks like well before you are considering the move. Many seniors believe that moving out of their family home means moving into a care home, but retirement living is so very different,” says Hosking. “The more information you can get to compare communities, the easier it will be to make a final decision.”
Once a handful of retirement residences are in contention, ask them these important questions:
- Is there a waitlist?
- What are the monthly charges and what do they include?
- What happens if mom/dad/grandma/etc. has a fall and needs more help?
- What size are the suites?
- Is there 24-hour nursing care for medication reminders, etc.?
- Are pets allowed?
- Is smoking allowed onsite?
- What about dietary restrictions (vegan, allergies, preferences)?
Hosking emphasizes that it’s critical to share any issues with memory or health with the residence. “Be as clear as you can to the community you are wanting your loved one to move into about his/her physical and mental state.”
Strategies to help your family member make the right decision about where they want to live start with research.
“When possible, arrange to visit different residences. A visit, a meal, a shared activity, all will help in finding out what a different lifestyle might be like,” says Cox-Ziegler. “Shortlist some places based on priorities and go out and visit them, if possible, together. Often it is the feel of the place from conversations with staff or residents that is important.”
Supporting seniors during the physical transition to the retirement home is intricate to the process. Hosking emphasized there are many ways to support a loved one during the transition phase (the move).
“There are various downsizing companies out there that support seniors moving into retirement communities, making the transition much smoother. During the move, communicate with the residence around picking up the keys, best times to have the move occur, locking out elevators (if needed), etc. On the day of the move, if possible, take your loved one out for lunch or for a quiet walk as others do all the heavy work. Once they are in, try your best to get them as settled as possible; make their bed, set up their tv or computer, ask if they want pictures hung now or later, offer to pick up a dinner or get their meal from the dining room, so they can have a quiet meal in their suite on their first day. Others may want to jump right in; allowing them the choice is a way to keep them in control.”
“Once the big move is over, be sure to stay in touch with your loved one as they can still get lonely and second guess their decision making. Remind them of the programs offered in the community as a way of getting to know other residents and get comfortable within the community. Ask them how things are going, don’t be afraid if it’s negative at first… change is hard at the best of times.”
Dusevic agrees maintaining a strong connection is crucial.
“Staying in touch is easier than ever thanks to technology,” she says. “If your loved one is willing and able to embrace technology, then it’s time to engage using a tablet or laptop for face-to-face communication tools like FaceTime or Skype. Encourage younger family members (grandchildren) to have regular contact through technology by sending pictures, videos and making calls; this gives seniors an incentive to engage new technology.”
Like many retirement homes, Bria Communities recreation teams offer training sessions to help residents get more acquainted with technology. Staff are always willing to help troubleshoot any tech problems.
Whether you or your parents are moving into a retirement residence, the process is just that – a process. It takes physical and emotional energy to move somewhere new and leave a place you’ve called “home.” Some loved one’s might simply refuse help and never move, while others may find the idea exciting and full of potential. Regardless, transitioning into a new chapter of life is an adventure that can create treasured experiences and add years of joy to one’s life.
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