You don’t get to choose your son or daughter-in-law.
But would you really want to?
I can hear some of you shouting “Yes” out there, and a “No” or two. But here’s the reality.
If you could design your perfect son or daughter-in-law, you would probably come up with a person that you would want to marry, not necessarily someone your kid would want. And probably someone who couldn’t possibly qualify as a human being.
We humans are imperfect. Your designer model wouldn’t be.
Let’s say you are more or less satisfied with your kid’s current mate. Even more than satisfied. Or even thrilled with them.
They still wouldn’t come close to the one you’d design. And you’re probably better off for it.
Those differences make everything more interesting. Trust me, you don’t really want someone who reflects all your values and expectations.
I’m not saying Archie Bunker and Mike Stivic were a match made in heaven. But it sure was interesting. And hidden under all their arguments was the love they had for each other that made them a “family”.
The new family that your child and his or her mate creates is an extension and combination of two families into one. Those two families could be similar in background and upbringing, or very different.
Different could mean a lot of things.
But even in the “similar” families there are going to be differences. And differences can cause issues. No surprise. Issues are normal.
Just like Archie and Mike, we all have the power to influence the nature of our families. Influence can be positive or negative.
I met a woman in a doctor’s office waiting room. We chatted just a few minutes, during which time she absolutely trashed her son-in-law. Stated emphatically, “I don’t hide the fact that I can’t stand him.”
Very disturbing. What does she get out of telling a complete stranger that? Not validation. I certainly didn’t encourage her.
One would wonder what he thinks of her. And think of the poor daughter in the middle of that.
I wouldn’t want my child to live in a war zone of my own creation. Someone needs to wave the white flag and start some serious peace talks or that family is toast.
If you have doubts, even serious doubts, that your child’s spouse is not a good fit, keep in mind that although you may be right, you also could be wrong. And ultimately, it’s not your call.
My mother was yin and my father was yang, but it worked out. After all, they had me.
Here’s the bottom line. Two families come together. Equal input. Equal influence.
Put all these people with their ideas, backgrounds and values into a pot and stir. What you wind up with is the new generation of those families.
The best part… a lot of ingredients make for better grandchildren.
You make a deal with your son or daughter-in-law. You give them your daughters or sons, and they give you the greatest gift of all – your grandchildren.
A good deal all around.
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Marc Axelrod retired from the ABC Television Network after 37 years, starting as a Technical Writer and then filling various Training and Development roles in the Broadcast division. His writing has ranged from the technical all the way to Hollywood screenplays. He is currently a Professional Writing Consultant to the US Military Academy at West Point and the US Army War College. His favorite role by far is being Grandpaw to two amazing little grandchildren.
To read more of his thoughts on grandparenting, Marc encourages you to visit his website The Grandpaw Chronicles at: https://www.thegrandpawchronicles.com
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