About a quarter of all family caregivers live long distance. Getting a true sense of how well their loved one is doing can be difficult to judge over the phone. Some elderly parents forget what the doctor told them, or they choose not to discuss details with their adult children. Other times, stories of a near accident or fall are casually shared as a passing comment.
Long-distance caregiving can be a bumpy ride: guilt for not doing enough or for not being there; sadness in accepting an aging family member’s decline; anxiety and stress of frequent and unpredictable travel; and fear of the unknown. Knowing when or how to react is one of the toughest areas of caregiving, and distance can make it even trickier.
Stay Connected: Today, there are dozens of ways to stay connected with the person you are caring for. It doesn’t matter if you use traditional methods or savvy technological avenues; dedicate a specific time each week for reaching out to the person you are caring for.
Talk First, Act Later: Before jumping in and getting too involved with researching what help is available, start with an evaluation of the person needing care. Collect information, either during a visit or over the phone. Find out what’s being done by in-town family, friends and community health professionals. Talk about future care and housing options. Learn everything you can about your loved one’s illness or disability; this will become the backbone of your care plan.
Build a Team that Works: Find out who is in regular contact with the person being cared for and ask them to be part of the care team. Your team will include other family members and siblings, neighbours, close friends and community care providers, to name a few. Be clear, in advance, on the type of care and help needed and assign everyone tasks best suited to their skills, availability and willingness. Google Hangouts, Skype and Zoom are all great web-based tools that make it easier to stay connected through video conferencing.
Be in the know: Build in time to research what programs and supports are available in the community. Find a copy of an online directory and keep track of the who, what, when and whys related to community resources and services. Learn how best to access the health care system. Patience and persistence are a must to navigate a health care system from afar.
Keep Everyone in the Loop: Long-distance caregivers often feel left out of decisions or get information second hand. Finding a way to stay current and connected can help prevent family feuds and allow everyone to know and understand the options. Designate one person as a primary contact person. Use an online calendar and task system such as Google Calendar that everyone can access and receive updates.
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Wendy Johnstone is a Gerontologist and a consultant with Family Caregivers of British Columbia in Victoria, BC.