This Thanksgiving, I will give thanks for my friends and family who help me get through life. None of us can do it alone. We need support, guidance, acceptance, challenge, laughter, and the camaraderie that comes from being in community.
I remember how lonely it was being the “new” girl in school. It lasted for a year until Janet arrived at the beginning of Grade 6—now she was the “new” girl.
I thought she might make a nice friend and decided it was time to be brave. I still remember walking up to her in the back playground and asking, “Would you be my best friend?” Then I held my breath. She looked at me, perhaps sizing me up, and said, “Sure!” She still is.
We have other friends and other interests, and we don’t take up all of each other’s lives, but we play Mahjong with a group once a week.
When I introduce her to others, I always say, “She’s my best friend since Grade 6,” and people marvel. So do we!
My children and grandchildren don’t live close by, but modern technology allows us to stay connected in many ways—through phone calls, text messages, Facebook, and more.
Many of my friends from years gone by are scattered around the world, but we keep in touch through the internet.
I love the internet! This summer, I made new friends by participating in a Summer Writing Challenge. Thanks to Zoom, I had the benefit of writing and talking with writers from around BC several times a week.
I also write a newsletter for an organization in Mexico, in the city where we spend a few months each year, and I keep in touch with those members through Zoom, Facebook, and WhatsApp.
Some days, I feel as though I am happily living in two countries with two sets of friends.
I think we are truly blessed to have so many ways to maintain our connections and even create new friendships.
Over the years, some friendships have fallen away, but I treasure even those for the memories they leave behind. A few friends have died, and though their absence brings a tear to my eyes, it also fills me with gratitude for what we shared on this earth.
Other friendships have simply grown apart. It’s sad, but it’s part of life. People come into our world for a reason—and, as some say, for a season. We need to be grateful for the time we had together.
Sometimes I stayed in a relationship too long, and its ending caused pain.
Other times, when our shared values faded, we found new ways to enjoy each other’s company when we crossed paths again.
Most of us have learned that we can’t change another person. When differences in values create tension, we must either face them and agree to disagree or thank the person for the times we shared and move on.
My husband is better at having friends with different values than I am. I am still learning when to let go and when not to.
The pandemic, for example, caused unexpected friction—I assumed everyone would think the same way about vaccines. They didn’t. Then there are the red and blue issues that divide two of our three North American countries. I know which colour I support, but I am often surprised when people I thought would agree with me don’t.
I have worried about these differences, but in the end, I can’t change anyone’s mind. Just as I can’t tell people how to live spiritually, what to wear, or whom to love, I can’t dictate their beliefs. That isn’t my role.
In the end, it’s up to me to live the best life I can—being a model of what I believe, not a preacher. Arguments only deepen divides.
Listening to Yurong “Luanna” Jiang’s commencement speech at Harvard last June, I was struck by these words:“We carry everyone we have met across wealth and poverty, cities and villages, faith and doubt. They speak different languages and dream different dreams, and yet they have all become a part of us. You may disagree with them, but hold onto them, as we are bound by something deeper than belief: our shared humanity.”
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Laurie Mueller, M.Ed is retired and living in Victoria with her husband, Helmuth. She recently published The Ultimate Guide on What to Do When Someone You Love Dies, available on Amazon. More about Laurie can be found at www.lauriemconsulting.com or on Facebook.