At 71, a person loathes learning new things. But I did. I learnt to cook. I had never even turned the stove on. I didn’t know how to! I didn’t know that the stove could light itself if you press the right knob. I was in the century when you used matchsticks. I had seen people use match-boxes to light fires. So I thought that I had to do the same to start a stove. But then I found that you don’t have to do that anymore. Well, I tried to put the heat on.
No go! No flame! I turned the switch frantically on and off, on and off. Nothing!
What was wrong? I bent my back, then straightened it. Oh gosh…. I hadn’t turned the power on. No wonder there was no blue flame. There hadn’t been any flame, blue, red or green or any colour of the rainbow. All right then. I had managed to work that one out at last. What next? I found the pan and put it on the blue flame. Smell of burning. The smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the house. But I did remember to switch the power off. The house did not burn down. The fire engines did not come. So back I crept into the kitchen. I let the smoke out. I scratched my head for ideas. Ah……I’ll make a fried egg. But how does one make a fried egg! I went on the internet and found a site which did explain how to make a fried egg. It said you need an egg to start with. I didn’t realize that. So I got the egg, and tried to break it into the pan. Even I knew that you had to take the egg out of the shell. But the egg did not want to come out of the shell! It spread itself on the bench-top in protest. So I had to talk another egg into agreeing to take the place of the first one. That egg was obliging. It looked nice in the pan. A blob of gold in a pond of white.
What next? The recipe said that I needed cooking oil. Where was the cooking oil? Couldn’t find it. So to the supermarket, and round and round the aisles till my head span. I had to ask for help. “Excuse me, do you know where I can find cooking oil?” “What kind? There are lots of different brands” “Oh any! As long as it can cook an egg”. “Of course it can. Any oil can. Try canola oil. Here!”
I’m back now with a bottle of canola oil. Do I have to put the whole bottle in? The recipe doesn’t say. I’ll put half. So I do. Then all I see is a sea of slithering stuff. No gold. Doesn’t matter. I light the stove. The mess in the pan starts bursting into bubbles. I have to save it before the smoke alarm starts screaming again. Now I am ready to enjoy my first egg. I empty the contents of the pan into the plate.
My first egg! My first fried egg!
Wait a minute! Where is the salt and pepper?
Oh well... back to the supermarket!!