Ask Goldie - March 2011

By Goldie Carlow

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Dear Goldie:

My husband and I have just divorced after 20 years of marriage. We have three children, two sons in high school and a daughter at university. They have been aware of our problems for the last few years and our sons are not surprised by our decision to part. The problem is that our daughter, who is studying psychology, has decided she can fix everything. Her persistence is annoying.

How can we make her see that we know what we want?


Dear O.P.:

Parental breakup can be devastating for families and particularly so for children who are still dependent. Your daughter is trying to prevent this traumatic event by using her newly learned skills.

If her behaviour persists, it may interfere with her studies. To prevent this, you could suggest she contact her school’s counsellor. Having an outside perspective may help to convince her that your actions are truly what you want. It may also help her work through her own feelings of grief.


Dear Goldie:

Last summer, my wife and I had a wonderful holiday in England. While there, we met a gentleman who was also visiting our hosts and enjoyed social times together. Since our return, he has sent several letters to my wife. I am not included in the address or content. I find this offensive, and she has not replied to them.

Well, out of the blue, this person has sent word that he will visit our city in June and wishes to see us. Should we reply and, if so, how can we avoid seeing him?


Dear W.D.:

Good manners are part of good behaviour, and I suspect that is what is bothering you.

You and your wife have no obligation to entertain this person. Perhaps the easiest way to handle this matter is to let him know immediately that you will not be available when he arrives.



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