Ask Goldie - March 2010

By Goldie Carlow

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Dear Goldie:

I just read your answer to K.H. in the Oct/09 issue of Senior Living about being independent. I cannot see what is so great about cooking, dishwashing, cleaning, shopping and maintaining a current house. I live in Assisted Living where we have 185 suites. We are independent to come and go, invite friends overnight as well as for meals. (Right now, we have a special deal - three months free rent!). We have first-class meals, weekly cleaning and change of linen, free use of laundry room and service, and a full-size in-suite fridge.

There is entertainment, bus outings, parties and fun. We have volunteer drivers and taxis. We can also be alone in our suites, if we choose. If health conditions change, home care is available.

Those who stubbornly stay by themselves into their 80s, thinking they can keep old age at bay, are missing out. Better to plan and move, while you are still in good health, and make new friends. If you stay on your own for too long and your health declines, you could suddenly end up in 24-hour care, a very big change. Here, you are all in your own suites, with your own stuff and home care, as long as possible.


Dear W.P:

Thank you for a very informative letter about your new residence. It is unusual to hear a senior respond so positively to a change of living conditions. You seem to have made the perfect choice for you.

Age and health are two important factors in making a satisfactory change of residence. It is easier to accept new routines and relationships when we are mentally and physically active. This should be the determining reason rather than age. I agree that it’s important to plan early while choices are still available to lessen the impact of change.

W.P., your letter is an encouragement to anyone contemplating a move into Assisted Living.


Dear Goldie:

I am a 67-year-old male in good health, divorced 12 years ago. I have three daughters and two sons, and five grandchildren living in the city. We have a good relationship.

So, why am I writing? Well, after 10 years in a wonderful relationship, my partner is leaving me. She says nothing is really wrong, but she wants to be free. This is really shaking me up. I had no idea she wasn’t happy. What can I do?


Dear R.L:

It sounds like this break-up is unexpected and a great shock to you. Perhaps she has taken some time to make the decision, and kept you unaware.

You haven’t commented on your communication with your partner. This may help you to get to the heart of the problem. Make a time and place where you can have a long uninterrupted discussion. If this does not work for you, then consider counselling. Both volunteer and registered counselling is available.

Break-ups are not usually over new problems but, rather, concern long-standing issues. Has there been an issue over the years that has not been satisfactorily resolved?

Somehow, it impresses me that you have so little detail. Be prepared, a counsellor will deal with every aspect of your relationship. For satisfactory results, there should be no hidden agendas!





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