Ask Goldie - June 2009

By Goldie Carlow

View all articles by this author

Dear Goldie:

I hope you can help me with a relationship problem.

I am 60, have been a widower for eight years and do not plan to remarry. My children and grandchildren live on the other coast and, while we are a close family, distance keeps us apart. I keep active in charity work and a men's club.

Some months ago, I met a widow who is a lovely, interesting person involved in a local charity organization. She has two adult children in the city and they are a close family.

My problem is that, although we spend a great deal of time together and I find her kind and honest, I never hear a word of endearment or any action that indicates she really cares for me. If I ask, she laughs and says, "of course I care for you."

Is there any way to get her to warm up and show real affection? -J.R.


Dear J.R.:

Your letter sounds like two adults with poor communication skills. Is there any reason you can't bring up this subject and discuss it like mature adults? After all, this is not a schoolyard crush.

I do realize that fear of rejection can be the reason for such reluctance in bringing this out in the open. Also you mention that marriage is not an option for you, and that could affect her interaction with you. She may want marriage. Can you change? These are matters that need discussion, and soon, if you are serious about saving the relationship. Start talking!

Good luck!


Dear Goldie:

My sister and I are both widows in our 80s planning to go into care residences. Our families are pressuring us to share our accommodation but we are both reluctant because we have never got along well in past years. Neither of us wishes to continue disagreements in close proximity for our remaining days.

What do you say about this? I'll be waiting to hear. -N.J.


Dear N.J.:

This situation isn't unusual.

Families are always trying to mend old feuds, but it is important for the people instigating the problems to be part of the action. You and you sister are the main characters in this scene and must participate in all the decisions.

The two of you seem to accept your differences and, in view of this, you will be happier in separate accommodation but perhaps in the same complex.

An occasional spat or disagreement when you meet could put a spark in an otherwise lonely day. There is collection of family memories that usually overshadows all disagreements in the end.

It sounds like you are both aware of your circumstances and able to make your own decisions. Hopefully you will find suitable living quarters where your families can keep an eye on you while you maintain your independence.

Enjoy your new home!


This article has been viewed 1844 times.


Showing 1 to 2 of 2 comments.

Senior Living has forwarded your inquiry to Goldie. She doesn't answer questions by personal mail, but she is likely to include it in a future column and give you her response there. I can't tell you which issue it will appear in, but check the August and September issues. All the best. Barbara Risto, Senior Living Publisher

Posted by Barbara | June 24, 2009 Report Violation

Hi Goldie,

I am 59 years old and have lead a very busy life. I have been separated for 20 years and raised my younger son pretty well by myself. My older son was in high school when I separated. My life was dedicated to my family, studies and work. I am a faculty person at a post-secondary institute. My boys are now grown up and have their own lifes. I find that I have no social life and no close companion. I did not need this when I had my boys at home. I see them about once every 2 weeks even though they live in the same town. It appears that the only time I see them is if I initiate a lunch or supper I pay for or when the older one wants me to babysit his sweet little boy. I know I have to give my head a shake and develop a life of my own. I plan to retire in approx 3 years and I want to move to the island, preferably Victoria.
Can you give me any hints on purchasing housing, senior activities,and generally things I should be aware of when planning a move.

I am a very healthy person with no limitations for pursuing any activity I should choose. Do you know of any sites for penpals my age on the island? Thanks

Posted by shirley | June 5, 2009 Report Violation

Post A Comment

Comments that include profanity, personal attacks, or antisocial behavior such as "spamming," "trolling," or any other inappropriate material will be removed from the site. We will take steps to block users who violate any of our "terms of use". You are fully responsible for the content you post. Senior Living takes no responsibility for the views and opinions of members using this discussion area.

Submit Articles

Current Issue

Search For Articles


Subscribe To
The Magazine