Ask Goldie - July 2009

By Goldie Carlow

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Dear Goldie:

I hope you can help me in this uncomfortable situation.
My wife and I are in our early 70s and have been very happy during our 30 years together. We did not have a family, but she has a daughter and son from her previous marriage and three grandchildren as well. We all get along well and visit often.

My problem concerns the time my wife spends with family at her ex’s home. At first, it was only occasional visits but, over the last six months, it has been at least three days a week. I have brought up the subject, and she says I am being selfish and want to deny her time with her family. This is not true.
I feel spending so much time at her first husband’s home is inappropriate, and our marriage is suffering.
What can you suggest? -N.W.

Dear N.W.:

I am sorry you are upset about your marital situation.
You have tried to discuss your feelings with your wife and that was a sensible approach, although she was not ready to do so. You did not comment on family illness or problems, so I assume her visits are purely social and prompted by a desire to be there. In all fairness to your wife, she may not be doing this intentionally. Families are important to mothers and she probably finds that time with them passes quickly.

One suggestion, accompany her on the visits. You stated that you “all get along well,” but you seem to remain an outsider. Make an effort to join her and be more social with her dependants. If you do not take action and become involved in their lives, you and you wife may drift apart.

Dear Goldie:

I am finally getting up my courage to write you. My life has become unhappy and I need help.
I am a 65-year-old widow without children. My husband and I were active in the business world until his death five years ago. In the following year, I became involved with a man who had been a former partner and close friend of many years. He was kind and helpful when my husband was ill and at the time of his death. I was not well off financially and really cared for him, so I did not hesitate when he asked me to move in with him.

Well, this man has turned out to be a cad and a thief. I have learned that he has another lady friend whom he has been with daily, and he has been living on money that my husband left for my care. I have never seen any of it. Needless to say, our relationship has ended.
I feel ashamed that I was so stupid, and angry that my husband was fooled also.
I have enough for food and rent but little else. Life has no enjoyment now.

Dear B.C.:

I am sorry to hear about your plight. Do not feel ashamed of your story.
You are not the first person to fall prey to another person’s scam, or to use poor judgment during a vulnerable time.|

We trust people. Because you were a businesswoman in the past, you expected respect and fair treatment. You have been treated badly, but the culprit does not deserve another thought from you!

Get your former “business head” working again. First off, you must obtain legal help to regain the money stolen from you. Your husband was a businessman and would surely have left legal arrangements to protect you.

Life is not over. Renew and keep in touch with former friends because old friends also understand. As your situation improves, and it will, you will also make new friends.
Get in touch with your lawyer immediately and start living again.


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