Ask Goldie - December 2009

By Goldie Carlow

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Dear Goldie:

Something has gone wrong in a serious relationship I have been in for about three years.

I am a widow in my early 70s; physically well and active in community volunteer work. I have three wonderful children, four grandchildren and a new great-grandchild now in the picture. I treasure my independent life but have a very good relationship with my family.

About four years ago, I met a gentleman who was divorced and we got along extremely well right away. A close relationship developed, but neither of us wanted marriage again. We each had our families and spent our time as a couple travelling and as volunteers in a local theatre group.

In the last six months, we seem to have drifted apart. The spontaneous fun seems to be disappearing and, at times, we now have little communication. Is this possible after all the wonderful times we shared? I just can’t think of any special incident that brought this about. -S.L.

Dear S.L.:

Without the binding ties of marriage, there is little chance that you will regain the closeness that has disappeared in your relationship. Each of you is free to choose your path ahead.

If you did not have a disagreement that precipitated this change, there is a possibility you can discuss it like adults and at least preserve a friendship. A counsellor could help you in this regard and volunteer counsellors are available.

You can’t change events of the past but you can change your perception of them. Let go of negative thoughts so positive thoughts can come in.


Dear Goldie:

My wife and I have been happily married for 45 years. We never had children but enjoy our friends and their families. Life has really been good to us health wise and I really anticipated retirement. We purchased a motorhome to go south in the winter and have made plans to travel to other countries.

The problem is that now, when everything should be exciting and beckoning us to new adventures, my wife suddenly has no interest.

Goldie, I can’t understand what has come over her. She seems to have become a different person lately. She watches television but hardly talks about anything. What should I do? -W.T.

Dear W.T.:

Your wife’s lack of interest in life may be a more serious matter than you realize. When someone undergoes a sudden personality change, they need the help of a professional. Get in touch with your doctor immediately and explain her sudden change in behaviour.

If your wife gets medical help now, you can plan to travel together in the near future.





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