With all the fanfare of another royal event upon us, it got me thinking that many Canadians, especially those of us in the farthest outpost of the Empire, have accumulated much with a “royal” connection.

Crowned heads from all nations throughout history have been commemorated by striking medals, printing banners, and producing teacups for every imaginable royal engagement, wedding, birth, jubilee and visit to the barbershop since the Middle Ages. Starting with the Victorian era and the progress of the machine age, factories went postal and drawing room shelves everywhere bow in protest.

When David (Edward VIII) visited the West Coast to unveil great-grannie’s statue on the Legislature lawn, there was a modest output of pins, badges and ribbons. When his dad hit 25 years on the throne in 1935, there was still some restraint. Where the royal straps came loose started with the coronation of George VI and the 1939 royal visit to Canada. Every schoolchild in the country got a little bronze medallion that year, and their kids got another one in 1953 when Queen Elizabeth was crowned. Millions were struck, and they’re all still out there.

Children in the mother country received souvenir mugs in 1953, and while many were broken or chucked into the harbour after school, vast numbers have survived, including mine.

So, now to the question you’ve all wanted answered: Is there a collector market for my “Chuck and Di” bobble-head doll? Um, no. Unlimited varieties of limited edition souvenirs were cranked out for their wedding, and the births of Wills and Harry. There were thimbles, matchbook covers, china sets, spoons, dishtowels, and battery operated plastic hands that hung in a car window waving at the adoring crowds as you drove to the mall. Some of it was nice, and much of it was tacky.

Over the past few decades, when folks have tried to cash in their investments in royal memorabilia, they encounter little enthusiasm and few buyers. So much exists, produced since the late ‘70s, and this has depressed the market for older items. A plate honouring Queen Victoria’s jubilee in 1897 brings less now than 20 years ago. When Princess Diana passed away, there was a brief bounce in interest, and Will and Kate’s wedding is causing another ripple, but such events have a fleeting effect on what people will pay.

If you have a collection of mass-produced royal items of comparatively recent vintage, dust if off and enjoy it, but brace for discouragement when it comes time to sell. Investing in shares of companies that produce such memorabilia will yield a better return than buying the actual items.

Bucking the trend are items made of sterling silver, which trade on their bullion value, and which, ironically, may return from the melting pot as souvenirs for a future royal occasion.

A quick check on eBay, spanning two weeks, indicated there were over 200 lots offered with “royal wedding 1981” in their title lines. There were no bids on 135 of them, and over half those sold fetched less than $5 apiece before auction fees were considered. Coffee mugs, spoons and photographs were ignored and can look forward to being ignored again at flea markets and garage sales.

Before you load your wheelbarrow and head for the landfill, there are some cheerful exceptions that will gladden the hearts of the most ardent royalists. Anything commemorating the Russian royal family is very collectable and marketable, and original authentic signatures attract much interest (Princess Diana’s autograph on a greeting card can run several thousand dollars).

Although the words “limited edition” causes me to squirm, I do admire the Royal Doulton numbered loving cups depicting Edward VIII and George VI, now valued up to $1500 apiece. Also, there are several nice tobacco pipes with bowls represented by Queen Victoria’s head (You’re looking smokin’ today, your Royal Highness!) and some magnificent Georgian and Victoria medals I hope to run across someday.

You can’t “dollar value” everything. On a good day, my 1953 Coronation mug might sell for $10, but a banknote can’t replace my memory of a little boy trudging home from school, running past the tinkers’ camp and hoping there wouldn’t be a bull loose on the country road, with my mug wrapped in my scarf and bursting with excitement at receiving an unexpected gift. The mug saw good service for many years, and with its gilt lettering “Compliments of the Haverford West Rural District Council” as bright as ever, it’s been retired to a place of dignity on a shelf. Its close neighbour is a small wooden harp carved by the “the men behind the wire” at Long Kesh internment camp. I think of keeping them together as furthering the Anglo-Irish peace accord. Her Majesty would be most amused.

Comments and suggestions for future columns are welcome and can be sent to fenian@shaw.ca

MAY 2011 SENOIR LIVING MAGAZINE VANCOUVER ISLAND