Ask Goldie - December 2007

By Goldie Carlow

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Dear Goldie:
My friend and I both lost our spouses about 10 years ago. We have a close relationship and get along very well. So, you are probably wondering how I could have a problem. Well, he wants me to move in with him and I can't stand how untidy he is in his home. He leaves dirty dishes in the sink, never makes his bed and leaves papers scattered everywhere! He is a very clean, well-dressed person, but obviously hates housework. I really care for him, but I don't want to be his maid. Is there any answer to this problem? S.W.

Dear S.W.:
You are wise to look at your situation clearly. You obviously want to retain your good relationship and, it is true, you could become a housemaid. Some women have found that the wining, dining and travel disappear when they accept marriage or live-in arrangements.

The following two ideas could put your worries to rest. First, have an open discussion with your friend and convey your fears are about a future together. Ask for a trial period to see if he can change. Or, secondly, you can choose to remain in your present situation - close friends, but living apart. It sounds like you are both happy and possibly have less obligation and worry living on your own. Good luck in your decision!

Dear Goldie:
I am a 56-year-old male employed as a bank manager. I was an only child. My father died when I was 10, and my mother and I have always been close.

All my life, I wanted to be an artist and many of my paintings won awards. However, my mother insisted I stay with the bank. Art was not an occupation in her books.

Now, my mother is in a nursing home and is seriously ill. I feel like a traitor, but I plan to leave my position at the bank and become a full-time artist.

Do you think this is wrong?


Dear R.B.:
No, I do not think it is wrong. As an adult, you are expected to make your own decisions. It seems you did not have the will to oppose your mother when you were younger. That is in the past. Now, you are beginning a life of your own choice. You have already proven you have ability as an artist, so I will look forward to reading about your success and viewing your work in the near future! It is never too late to assume self-responsibility.

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