Ask Goldie - November 2007

By Goldie Carlow

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Dear Goldie:

I need your advice. Recently, I became reacquainted with a former fiancé I was engaged to in my late teens. A whirlwind type of romance, it fizzled when he went overseas with the army. We lost contact and went our separate ways. Now he has turned up, a widower with a family and, as it turns out, I am widowed with a family.

My problem is that he wants to continue the old romance where we left off. I enjoy his company as a friend but do not want an intimate relationship. Any romance we once shared is long gone. I enjoy single life. What should I do?


Dear M.W.:

You sound like a sensible person. This situation needs serious consideration.

Each of you has spent a lifetime unknown to the other. You need time to become reacquainted. Remain friends for now and explain to your Romeo that you are strangers, at this point, and not the carefree teenagers he recalls.

If you spend time together, having good conversations and sharing social events, you will be in a better position to form an opinion about your future relationship. As will he. If it is going to be a positive relationship, it needs a good foundation. It may be that only friendship will develop and we can never have too many friends.

The important issue here is time. Either way, do not rush into a decision.

Good luck!

Dear Goldie:

After 50 years in a wonderful marriage, my husband died suddenly of a heart attack. I am finding it difficult to go on. What can you advise me to do? I have a good family.


Dear L.V.:

I am sorry to hear about your sudden loss. Hopefully, your caring family can help you through this sad time in your life.

One of the reasons you feel so helpless is that the wife is frequently the nurturing person in the marriage and when the husband dies, she loses that role. You need time to grieve the loss of a good partner. However, it is important that, in the near future, you give thought to a new role in your life. Many widows find volunteering a rewarding occupation, and there are so many people who need the help.

Take your time to get over the shock of losing your husband. You will gradually realize you still have a life to live and a new role to fulfill.

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