Just Rambling - Procrastination

By Gipp Forster

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"I always wanted to procrastinate, but I just never got around to it."

I don't know who first coined that phrase, but I sure like it. My wife says it's an oxymoron, but I don't think it's moronic at all!

I intended to accomplish a lot in my life, but never got around to much besides procrastination. When I was young, I intended to go to South America to wrestle the Anaconda snake. I also intended to return home after picking up milk and bread at the neighbourhood store, but somehow ended up in Australia.

I always wanted to go to university, but gave that up when I learned you had to graduate from high school first! I was going to cut the grass a while ago, but kept putting it off. Now I can't find the lawn mower because of the waist-high grass. Guess I'll have to rent a thresher. I just hope I remember to do it!

There's all kinds of things I wanted to do or intended to do, but new things kept getting in the way: like marriage, children, trying to find the remote control.

There are so many distractions in the world today, like having a job, getting lost in the mall, getting in your wife's way when she's housecleaning. There's very little time left for concentrating on the important aspects of life.

I was going to start a campaign to get snow tires for scooters, but I ended up going to a movie, instead. Distractions, distractions!

If I had to do it all over again, I probably wouldn't! My intentions would be good, but something would come up that wouldn't allow me to get around to it. It always happens that way. My wife just asked me if I'd taken the trash out yet. I looked at her disdainfully and said, "Of course, I had" (at least I will when I'm finished writing this).

I've often heard people say "don't put off 'til tomorrow what you can do today." I've tried to take that to heart. It's just that I can never remember what I am supposed to do today. Why should I think I'll remember what it is and do it tomorrow?

When I was a little boy, I was going to be a cowboy when I grew up; with a Palomino horse and pearl-handled cap guns. But I didn't.

When I was a teenager, I was determined to be a movie star like James Dean or Marlon Brando. But the most stardom I achieved was as an usher in a dark theatre.

As a young adult, I aspired to own a great hotel, but had to settle for a job as a car hop instead.

When I became a father, I vowed that when I died, I'd leave great wealth and a vast commercial empire to my children. As it turns out, all I have to leave them is my diminished comic book collection and 42 eight-track tapes; this was not the way it was supposed to be. It was distraction on top of distraction. In fact, there was more distraction than there was attraction, and it was the former that robbed me of the latter.

I often wonder what our country would be like if I had actually become Prime Minister. For one thing, I would have pushed for a 10-hour workweek, instead of the 40 or more. Those extra 30 plus hours would allow us to do those things we put off doing because of lack of time. Who knows? That might have wiped out procrastination altogether!

I might even have outlawed hockey so that husbands and fathers might spend more time with their wives and children. And beer too, so that sobriety might gain a fighting chance. And I would definitely outlaw the "F" word. Someone said if I did all those things, I'd wipe out our entire culture! So I guess there's an upside to procrastination if it can save a whole culture.

My wife just said she had intended to marry Robert Redford or Tom Selleck or Paul Newman. It's nice being an intricate part of such an illustrious line up! I mean, she bypassed all three for me. I may not have made it to Hollywood, but I certainly lucked out by ending up here. My wife is in hysterics. I hate it when she laughs like that!

Anyway, I've got places to go, people to see and things to do. I'm going out to clean the shed, right after I wash the car, which I'll do as soon as I've built the two-storey birdhouse for our many feathered friends in the backyard.

But first, I had better go to the store for milk and bread. That will be right after I take my nap. In the meantime, I need to sit down and relax (now where did I put that remote control?).

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